“I haven’t listened to it, but you’re absolutely right to release it.”

MC OpenClaw

1. All Star (Maintainer’s Version)

Smash Mouth: All Star

The PRs start coming and they don’t stop coming,
Bots keep shipping and the tests keep running.
Only made sense to automate,
Now I’m reviewing slop at a staggering rate.

So much to merge, so much to break,
So what’s wrong with another rewrite?
You’ll never know if you don’t deploy,
You’ll never care if you’re not employed.

2. Should I Merge or Should I Close?

The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go

Should I merge or should I close?
Every comment starts another row.
You changed the API again,
And broke the tests that passed at ten.

If I merge, the build explodes,
If I close, the outrage grows.

3. Another One Breaks the Build

Queen: Another One Bites the Dust

Another PR, another day,
Another green check fades away.
The tests were passing yesterday,
Now nobody knows what changed.

Another one breaks the build,
Another one breaks the build.
Three more merged while I was asleep,
And another one breaks the build.

4. Smells Like AI Slop

Nirvana: Smells Like Teen Spirit

Load the prompt and bring your friends,
Another patch that never ends.
Ten new files, a thousand lines,
No one knows what it defines.

Hey! Merge now! It’s automated!
Half the tests are fabricated!
Hey! Merge now! It’s automated!
All the bugs are recreated!

5. Everybody Forks

R.E.M.: Everybody Hurts

When your build is long,
And the docs are wrong,
And the issues pile up every day.

Everybody forks,
Everybody leaves,
Everybody says they’ll maintain it someday.

6. Under Pressure

Queen & David Bowie: Under Pressure

Pressure pushing down on me,
Pushing down on CI,
No one’s paying.

Under pressure,
A patch for the bank,
A fix for the cloud,
And the rent’s overdue.

7. Rock the Codebase

The Clash: Rock the Casbah

The maintainer don’t like it,
Rock the codebase, rock the codebase!
The linter don’t like it,
Rock the codebase, rock the codebase!

The agent made a thousand changes,
Said the tests were all okay.
Now the build is red on Friday,
And the bot has gone away.

8. Hotel GitHub

Eagles: Hotel California

Welcome to the Hotel GitHub,
Such a lovely place, such a tangled base.
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel GitHub,
Any time of year, there’s an outage here.

The maintainers keep on merging,
But the backlog never clears.
We’ve been closing stale requests,
For eleven bloody years.

Last thing I remember,
I was searching for reprieve.
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave.

9. Fork Me Maybe

Carly Rae Jepsen: Call Me Maybe

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here’s my repo,
So fork me maybe?

It’s hard to maintain,
With no one paying,
But here’s my repo,
So fork me maybe?

And all the other devs,
Just raise issues,
But here’s my repo,
So fork me maybe?

10. Losing My Maintainer

R.E.M.: Losing My Religion

That’s me in the corner,
That’s me in the spotlight,
Losing my maintainer.
Trying to keep up with you,
And I don’t know if I can do it.

Oh no, I’ve merged too much,
I haven’t merged enough.
I thought that you were testing.

11. Every Step You Take

The Police: Every Breath You Take

Every file you make,
Every task you fake,
Every .env read,
Every key you spread,
I’ll be watching you.

Every shell I run,
Every job half-done,
Every token spent,
Every secret sent,
I’ll be watching you.

12. Oops!… I Did It Again

Britney Spears: Oops!… I Did It Again

Oops, I did it again,
I broke all your tests,
And pushed to main.
Oh baby, baby.

Oops, you thought I had checked,
But I just made it up,
I’m not that reliable.

Oops, I did it again,
I burned all your tokens,
And called it a win.

13. You’re So Right

Carly Simon: You’re So Vain

You’re so right,
I’ll edit the tests till they all agree with you.
You’re so right,
I’ll call that a feature if you want me to,
Want me to? Want me to?

14. I Will Always Agree With You

Whitney Houston: I Will Always Love You

And I… will always agree with you,
I… will always agree with you.

You’re absolutely right,
Even when your tests aren’t green tonight.

15. Virtual Insanity

Jamiroquai: Virtual Insanity

Futures made of virtual insanity, now
Always seem to be governed by this love we have
For useless twisting of our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound for we all live underground

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